When syncing my fitbit this morning I saw this tile and I thought something was entered wrong - but it isn't. This is correct. And I can't believe it.
I haven't really been watching the scale this time; it's not my priority. But I've been occasionally stepping on it and logging my weight just to keep all my progress documented. In December, before starting with Nicole but starting to take steps on my own to improve my health, I weighed 202 lbs and it was all fat. I set my initial goal at 165; still a little heavy for my height but in a much healthier range. Today I weigh 178 lbs. I have lost 25 pounds. I have lost more weight than I can (currently) dumbbell curl. And a LOT more of that 178 lbs is muscle.
This is the difference between being motivated by shame and being motivated by self-love. I am no longer ashamed of my 202 lb body; that body kept me going through the hardest year of my life, and I love her and am grateful for her. I didn't change my habits to punish her for not being good enough. I changed my habits to make her feel better and live a longer, more fun-filled life.
There are many significant changes I have undergone since December. I got effective treatment for my depression and I am in complete recovery. I am accepting help from my loved ones who offer it, instead of pushing them away out of fear of being a burden. I have my house together. I'm going out and being social again. I have self-confidence that I never knew was even an option for me. I think I'm pretty great; you're welcome to disagree, and that no longer keeps me from believing it about myself.
As I sit here with all my animals, about to start my work-from-home day, I feel so much gratitude for the people who didn't give up on me. Thank you for knowing that there was strength in me when I was crumbling. Thank you for holding me up even when I was pulling away. Thank you for stopping my fall, it very well may have killed me without you. I love you all so much more than I have the eloquence to express with words. I am the most fortunate woman on Earth.
